I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
