hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
