By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
