do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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