I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I have tasted many bathrooms
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
