Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
