doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
