i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
