i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
