My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
