I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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