please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize