I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
