i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
