You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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