Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
