i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
