Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
