For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize