im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
