apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
