Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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