So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?