This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party