I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
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my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
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Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.