I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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