Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.