Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I FOUND THE LEGS
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.