Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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