She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
