I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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