smell my finger.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
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I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
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Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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