i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
