I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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