The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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