can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
