yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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