i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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