I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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