The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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