Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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