I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
