i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
