3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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