We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
