sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
