she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I had to cum in my sink.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
