Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I forget how to act sober
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