Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize