Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
