Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
