2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
