no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
