plz talk dirty to me
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
