can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
