I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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