I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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