well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
