You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
