Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
