I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
