I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
honey bunches of taint.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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