Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
