Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
