Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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