I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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