Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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