We're facebook friends in real life
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
even my farts smell like vagina
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
