i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
