I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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