I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
