I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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