The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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