im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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