Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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