so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
