I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
