too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
