If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
