Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
