I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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