I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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