You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
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He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
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I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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