Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
