i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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