I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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