I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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