she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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