I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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