i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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