she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
