but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I wear drunk well.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
