you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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