the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
