that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
