So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
